We have to wait some more. But I'm just now seeing the gift. See, I could cry and stomp my feet in true childlike fashion (ok...maybe I kind of did a little...) and ask all the whys in the world and beg God to change this thing we are in the midst of. I have, because I'm human. And my mama's heart, it's breaking not being able to get to my girl. My arms ache and my heart weeps, but my soul is good. It's good because I can cry and beg and ask those whys, and He listens. God listens to our troubles and knows in the good fatherly way he has, that all will be okay because he has a plan. Sometimes we don't know what he is doing and question those plans, and that's where we decide to trust or not. I'm trusting. Trusting in His perfect plan for our daughter and trusting Him to hold her tight, fight any battles and protect her. I'll do this when we eventually get to bring her home too as I do with all my children. So this gift, the gift of waiting, being thankful in the time we have been given, is a present to us this Christmas.
I'm seeing the gift as a time to slow down - before we were all go, go, go, getting ready for our trip to China. I'm seeing the gift of time to just relish in our family before adding another member and we transition from a family of 8 to one of 9. I'm seeing the gift of Christmas. This Christmas we are turning things around a little by putting all our focus on Christ. There will still be presents and goodies, but there will be more of Him here in our home. The kids know that Santa is a fun story, and we giggle through the many Christmas books of baking cookies and filling the sleigh. But most importantly, they know who Christmas is really about - Jesus - and that he came for us and will come again one day. In these days of waiting (again), we are treasuring the time we have to prepare for Christ's coming and learning (always learning) to trust in His plans for our lives. What a gift we've all been given!
I haven't shared these pictures here yet, but they are also my gift right now. We waited so long to see a new picture of our little girl (6 months) and I look at them daily, wondering when our first meeting will be and what it will be like. It's looking like it won't be until after the first of the year - January. Just writing that makes me take a breath. This is the hard part. The waiting. She waits and we wait. Yet we have hope in the New Year and new beginnings. So much hope for what is to come.
Sweet Emme Rose, we just can't wait to meet you. It's hard to understand why we have to wait some more, but we know this time is a gift for you to heal and for us to prepare. Wo ai ni - I love you little one.
Little bit, is truly little - a petite little 21 month old girl with a very strong will to live. She had her first heart surgeries in August and October in China. She was released back to the orphanage in November and now we wait for the doctors there to give us clearance to travel. Let's all pray it comes very soon!
Seeing gift in the wait and hope in our future.